Boys Struggling with Masculinity: A Headteacher and Dad’s Perspective | Nick Hewlett

Boys Struggling with Masculinity: Understanding the Crisis

The statistics paint a disturbing picture:

• 49% of young men (18-25) believe society lacks strong male role models (St Dunstan’s College, 2024)

• 1 in 5 wouldn’t reconsider a role model accused of sexual assault

• 59% claim feminism has “gone too far.”

These numbers reveal more than rebellion—they signal a generation of boys struggling with masculinity in a world that’s dismantled old paradigms without offering new ones. Where does this leave them? Trapped between viral misogynists like Andrew Tate and a school system unequipped to address their confusion.

The Void Schools Aren’t Filling

As a headteacher in South London, I’ve watched boys gravitate toward online extremists not because they’re inherently toxic, but because no one else is speaking to their insecurities. Consider:

1. The Curriculum Gap

   • Only 12% of UK secondary schools dedicate weekly time to masculinity issues (PSHE Association, 2023)

   • Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) often reduces male identity to “don’t be a predator” lectures

2. The Role Model Deficit

   • 50% of boys cite their father as their primary role model, but 36% see him less than 1 hour/day (Office for National Statistics)

   • Male teachers comprise just 14% of primary school staff, depriving boys of early mentors

3. The Online Trap

   • Algorithms push boys from gaming streams to red-pill content in 3 clicks (AI Audit Project, 2024)

   • Tate’s “hustler culture” appeals because it promises structure—something schools rarely provide

5 Ways to Reclaim Masculinity (Without Toxicity)

1. Rewrite the School Playbook

At our school, we replaced generic PSHE lessons with:

• “Manhood Debates”: Boys dissect historical figures (MLK vs. Tate) to define strength

• Porn Literacy Classes: Data-driven sessions on how porn distorts intimacy

• Empathy Labs: Role-playing scenarios like “How to comfort a friend”

Result: Suspensions for toxic behavior dropped 40% in 18 months.

2. Fatherhood as a Feminist Act

The research is clear: boys with engaged dads are

• 5x less likely to idolize online extremists

• 3x more likely to respect women (Journal of Adolescent Health)

Simple fixes:

• “Walk and Talk”: Replace screen time with weekly 1-on-1 walks

• Model Vulnerability: “I struggled with this too at your age.” disarms shame

3. Weaponize Pop Culture

Tate hooks boys with slick production values. We counter with

• Analyzing Peaky Blinders’ Tommy Shelby’s trauma vs. false bravado

• Contrasting Andrew Tate’s Bugattis with Marcus Rashford’s school meal campaigns

4. Train Teachers as First Responders

Most educators spot math struggles faster than masculinity crises. We now

• Flag boys who excessively joke about “alpha males.”

• Use gaming metaphors (“Life isn’t a solo campaign—you need allies”)

5. Create “Third Spaces”

Boys need non-competitive zones to explore identity. Examples:

• Cooking Clubs: Where “providing” gets redefined as nurturing

• DIY Workshops: Building tangible skills combats digital nihilism

The Path Forward

The crisis of boys struggling with masculinity won’t be solved by blaming them or feminism. It requires

1. Policy Shift: Mandate 2+ hours weekly for masculinity/identity education

2. Parental Awakening: Dads must outwork Tate’s 8-hour/day content grind

3. Cultural Rebrand: Show masculinity as service (nurses, teachers), not dominance

The boys in your life aren’t lost—they’re waiting for a better script. Let’s write it together